- Internalized self hatred
- That nagging feeling that everyone who looks at you is judging you
- Feeling like you are morally bankrupt for letting yourself get fat, for not having the self control to keep yourself from it
- Hating yourself for letting yourself get fat
- Never being able to shop in the cute boutique shops
- Fighting with the impulse to do fad diets/starve yourself in an attempt to lose weight
- Looking at old photos and thinking to yourself, "And I thought I was fat *then*"
- Feeling like skinny people don't want to get too close to you, as if being fat was contagious
- Feeling like you are the wrong kind of fat - if only I was pear-shaped instead of apple-shaped, maybe I wouldn't hate myself so much
- Fighting between trying to change it and lose weight and just giving in and letting yourself get as fat as you will
- Worrying about how your own crappy body image and eating habits are affecting your daughter (especially long-term)
- Feeling like you don't deserve to be happy because you're not skinny and pretty
- Wondering what it's like to have a healthy relationship with food
- Feeling like all your good years are behind you (maybe this is just depression, which is correlated with my bad eating habits, which is correlated with my weight gain)
- Not wanting to look in the mirror because you know you won't like what you see
- Being afraid to try different hairstyles in case they make your face look fatter
- Feeling bombarded with messaging that you are not good enough to exist
Originally published on my Livejournal page.
