Captain's Log Stardate July 2016: 12 Books Reading Challenge - Book recommended by a friend

I'm still catching up on blog posts, although I'm actually caught up to the current month in my books. July's book was The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondo. It is my "book recommended by a friend" (who also takes care of Junior Mate for me two days a week).

I was going to do a book recommended by First Mate (one that he's been trying to get me to read for several years, actually). I even started that book, but this one is more pertinent to my life situation right now. You see, I come from a long line of packrats. We save stuff because we might need it in the future. We save stuff because we're too busy and/or lazy to do something with it right away. We save stuff because we feel guilty getting rid of something someone else gave us. (This one is actually deeper than this - my mom and I both have gifts as a love language, so getting rid of something someone gave us feels like getting rid of the person's love.) We save stuff because there are too many memories attached to the things. I am having trouble keeping our place tidy - both in terms of clutter and actual cleanliness. I've been thinking that maybe if I pared down my belongings some, it would help. In steps my friend with this book. He loaned it to me to read. The timing is perfect because we are moving, and I would like to start with a clean slate at the new place.

Over the past few years, my mom and I have been slowly moving away from this and toward letting more things go and cleaning out - simplifying. As I've been clawing out of the depression that set in when Junior Mate was born, I've recently been trying to really declutter. Our upcoming move feels like a perfect opportunity to do this; start with a clean slate. This book is incredibly helpful for people like me for a few reasons. It gives you a simple guideline for how to decide what to keep. (Kondo prefers to talk about what you should keep, rather than what you should discard, because it has more positive connotations and feels less oppressive.) The guideline is whether or not the item sparks joy in you. I'll note here that I had to change the question for my own practice of her method because I'm still finding it hard to find joy in anything nowadays. Instead, for clothing I asked myself, "Does this make me happy? Do I like wearing it?" For books, I asked myself, "Am I excited about reading/seeing this book?" She also gives you a step by step guide for the order in which you should go through your things, leaving sentimental items for last. Additionally, she offers helpful suggestions about how to store your items most efficiently.

I think the thing that helps me the most, as someone who tends to attach too much emotional significance to things, is the way Kondo talks about how to appreciate your items and let them go. Thank the item for the part it has played in your life, and allow it to move onto its next role. She sort of gives each item its own life and encourages you to think about how nothing really wants to sit around being useless. Let that book that's collecting dust on your shelf go so that it can be used and enjoyed by someone else. Her attitude, though a little unconventional, really helped me to give myself permission to let go of stuff, even things given to me by other people.

In short, this book is an easy read, and I recommend it for anyone who wants to declutter their home but has trouble figuring out the best way. I'll warn you that her method does require a bit of time, but it is working for me so far, though I'm not even finished.

Captain's Log Stardate June 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book that was banned at some point

I know I'm still behind - June posting in September. I'm still trying to catch up!
June's book is a book that was banned at some point (mostly in the southern US), Uncle Tom's Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe.

I chose this book for this category because it interested me, I have never read it, and it fits my goal of all women authors. However, I think it also fits into "book you should have read in school" because it is so important to remember the history of slavery in our country and to remember that, though it feels long ago, it really wasn't. This is particularly pertinent considering the string of African-Americans who have died in police custody in the past few years. We cannot understand why #BlackLivesMatter is important without remembering the history and attitudes that have brought us to the present moment.

I really enjoyed this book, largely because it presents incredibly important material in a narrative format, which for some reason is the easiest format for me to read and ruminate upon. Stowe's characters aren't all as complex as one might like, and there's obviously a paternalistic attitude toward people of African descent in her writing. (This is probably not unexpected for any abolitionist of the period.) However, I thought her depiction of many different experiences of enslavement and different attitudes toward slavery was fantastic. Even those slaves who were owned by good masters (as the hero Uncle Tom is in the beginning of the novel) longed for freedom, not because their life was so harsh, but because it is a basic human longing to be in control of one's own body and destiny. Obviously, Stowe is showing her readers that even those slaves who live under good conditions would rather have their freedom. (She seems to fighting an argument that slaves with good masters probably have better lives than they would as free men.)

I think the arc of the story which I most appreciated was the intermediate arc (with the St. Clare family), in which Tom goes to a new, also kind, master (before being sold again to a terrible master). This part of the story resonated with me on many levels, largely because I feel like many of the attitudes Stowe presents in this intermediate family are still present today. I'll also admit that I found myself thinking that I probably would have been someone with an attitude rather like that of the intermediate owner. As much as I'd like to think I would have been a staunch abolitionist, I suspect that I would have been conflicted as Mr. St. Clare, feeling that slavery was entirely wrong but that it had become a necessary evil and with no real idea of how to change it. However, the part that I felt was VERY important in this intermediate arc was Mr. St. Clare's relationship with his cousin from Vermont, Miss Ophelia. I won't deny that, as someone raised in the Southeastern US, there was a part of me that was glad to see a recognition of racism in northerners who opposed slavery. But I think Miss Ophelia's attitude, particularly, is still very much around today.

Mr. St. Clare may be a slaveholder, but he freely allows his beloved daughter to play with the slave children in the household, walk with the adult slaves, and hug and kiss all of the slaves as friends and family. Miss Ophelia, though adamant that it is wrong and abominable to hold slaves, finds it nearly abominable that Mr. St. Clare and his family are so familiar with their slaves. St. Clare points out to her that she may want to free all the slaves, but she doesn't want any familiarity with them. And she most certainly does not want them moving to her state where "her people" will have to deal with them. She wants freedom for the slaves as long as the consequences of that freedom are kept far from her own life.

Having lived in both the Southeastern US and the Northeastern US, I find that these attitudes are still very much alive. It is quite true that there is still a stronger overt strain of racism present in the South. However, I have found far fewer white Northerners than Southerners who have actually lived in the same neighborhood as and/or gone to school with African-American citizens. I have heard white people talk about entire cities, mostly populated by people of color, with fear and loathing. I hear the "us" and "them" language almost more often here than where I grew up. Admittedly, I think there is certainly some aspect of socioeconomic privilege going on there, and in the Northeast, poorer areas are still largely populated by people of color, while more affluent neighborhoods tend to be almost entirely white. However, I clearly see a racism present in the Northeast that too many people cannot or refuse to acknowledge. The idea that racism is a thing of the past and/or that racism is primarily a problem in the South is just not true. It's just that racism looks different in different areas of the USA, and I think Stowe's characters actually do a pretty good job of showing us how our current racism comes from these attitudes of about 150 years ago.

In short, I think this is an important book and a good read to boot. If you haven't read it yet, and you have any interest in the history of slavery and its impact on current race relations, you should read it.

Captain's Log Stardate May 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book you've already read at least once

I originally intended to save this category for the end of the year because I was planning to read the first in a series. I knew that I would want to read the whole series again after reading it and wanted to be done with the challenge in order to do that. However, after getting behind in April and May, I decided to go ahead and do this category for May to help catch up. I knew it would be a quick and fun read. My book for this category is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, by J.K. Rowling (picture links to Amazon sale page).

I didn't get into the Harry Potter series until right before the fifth book was released, so this one had been out for a while before I read it. I was also in college when the first book was published, so I can't say that I was raised with HP. However, I really enjoyed the series and had a couple of quite close friends with whom I debated the possibilities for the coming books and talked about theories. During a time in my life when I was pretty depressed and lonely, the online HP community gave me some friends and a place to escape through fanfic and discussion with others. In short, it's been an important series in my life but not entirely life-shaping.

I enjoyed rereading the first book, not only because the books are fun but also because it was a nice change from the academic book I had read just prior. I actually think most of the movies are pretty good and accurate representations of the books, but I love reading the books. They have so many little details that just can't be explained or really represented in the visual form. It still amazes me how Rowling was able to come up with such an elaborate and detailed imaginary world. I don't know if I once had that type of imagination and had it squashed out of me by (my own) perfectionism and schooling or if I'm just not that creative. However, she definitely creates a world that you can enter with your whole mind, and even heart, and grow to love. There are also some great lessons about good and evil throughout the series that are good for both children and adults. I think that's one of the reasons I still love reading children's/young adult novels. Often, the themes therein are ones that adults need to remember or relearn as well. This particular book reminds us that appearances can sometimes deceive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, and that sometimes, supporting your friends is more important than being right.

Captain's Log Stardate April 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book you should have read in school

I know it's mid-June, so it's a bit strange to make the date April 2016. However, April was busy, and I also had some depression I was dealing with. Thus, it took me until the end of May to finally finish my April book. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up in June with my May book and my June book. Anyway, this month's book is a book I was supposed to read in seminary. Actually, I was only supposed to read a portion of it for my introductory preaching class, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to read the whole thing now. I can't remember if I actually read the portions I marked with a flag or not, but I didn't see any underlinings, which indicates I probably didn't. The book is Women Preaching: Theology and Practice through the Ages, by Eunjoo Mary Kim. (Photo links to the book on Amazon.)

This is a good academic treatment of different roles women's preaching has taken throughout the history of the church. A lot of what Kim has to say focuses on the transformative and prophetic (i.e. challenging) voice of women preaching. Because this was taught as an important role of preaching in my seminary, I appreciate this focus. Kim's focuses are on women preaching the risen Christ (scripture/early church); preaching as subversive rhetoric (medieval/postmedieval church); preaching with authority (Reformation to early 20th century); and preaching and the politics of God (focusing on Korean preachers during colonial and postcolonial periods). Kim uses 2-3 examples in each chapter to illustrate each of these focuses, highlighting not only bits of writing/preaching from each women, but outlining how their very lives were examples of preaching. At the end of the book, Kim shares three different sermons she has delivered during her preaching career.

Generally, I think this is a good book, especially if you're looking for an academic treatment of women preachers through history. It's got good information, gives good examples, and lays down some useful arguments for why women should be allowed to preach. Honestly, though, getting through it made me realize that I just really prefer fiction and/or easy reading. Part of the reason it took me so long to read it was because I didn't really find myself *wanting* to read it. I also found myself busy (and battling a bit of depression) during April and May, but I really just kind of stalled out on it. I am glad that I finally did finish it, but I doubt I'll be picking it up again unless I go back to school for some reason.

Captain's Log Stardate March 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book You Previously Abandoned

This month's book is The Knitting Sutra: Craft as a Spiritual Practice, by Susan Gordon Lydon. It is a book I previously abandoned and does not really fit into any other category.
(Image links to Amazon's book page)

To be honest, I had two or three other books I probably would have preferred to read for this category, but it was more important to me to stick to my goal of reading only women authors. Thus, I ended up pulling a book out of my donate pile to pick back up and finish. In fact, I never really read much of this book at all. I read bits and pieces of it for a research paper I did in seminary about the meditative aspects of knitting and crocheting. (Looking back through the paper, it appears I didn't even end up using it in the paper.) There were a few good quotes that I liked, but it didn't really meet my need at that time.

I have to admit that it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. To be fair, I've realized that I was sort of hoping for something a bit more academic, which is unfair, considering that this is basically a popular book. It is more of a memoir type book than a discussion of how craft can be used as a spiritual practice. Lydon discusses her own spiritual journey and the important role that knitting played in that journey. It is interesting to hear how craft became an integral part of her spiritual life, but, especially considering that I had already written a paper on the contemplative aspects of knitting and crocheting, I guess I was just disappointed that there wasn't more detail. She does have a lot of knowledge of traditional crafts and their importance in the spiritual lives of the people groups who do them, and she intersperses this information with her own story. However, there is not a ton of detail about each of these groups and the specific spiritual aspects of their crafts.

All in all, it's a pretty good book; it just wasn't exactly what I was expecting from the title. If you are interested in spirituality and how other people incorporate it into their lives, it is a good read. If you are interested in how other people use craft to enhance their spiritual lives, it is a good read. If you are looking for an academic treatment of how craft is used as a spiritual practice or in the spiritual lives of people, it doesn't really fit the bill. It is one person's specific story and not a general study of craft and spirituality.

Here are a couple of quotes I particularly liked and why I liked them:
"And is it possible that female spirituality through the ages may have been concealed in the minutiae of domestic life rather than expressed in the grandiosity and pomposity of churches and sermons?" (p. 10)
~~I think this is especially pertinent to me right now, as I am currently a stay-at-home mom. Every day can feel so monotonous taking care of a baby and a household. This quote reminds me that the simple (or actually quite complex and difficult) business of raising a baby and keeping a house in order are spiritual acts. We forget that everyday living has its own spiritual aspects because we have a tendency to assign deep spiritual significance only to worship services and those who lead them. I have been in seminary with pastors in training (and some who were already pastoring and finishing up the credentials). I can tell you that your pastors have the same mundane aspects in their lives. Part of seminary, actually, is learning to see the holy and spiritual in every aspect of life. And remember that "spirituality" is the job of a pastor, so sometimes that everyday spirituality is even more important to a pastor. At any rate, I like that Lydon recognizes the importance of domestic life to spirituality, especially for women, as we have so often been relegated to these tasks, while men have traditionally been given the privilege of spiritual leadership.

"I learned while writing this book that the purpose of the craft is not so much to make beautiful things as it is to become beautiful inside while you are making those things." (p. 137)
~~This really struck me as I was reading it. It is a great summation of her description of her spiritual journey and knitting. It also reminds us that craft has value and is not just a useless hobby. We make beautiful things for ourselves and others, but the time we use to create those items has its own important role in shaping us. Whether it is a craft that involves intense concentration or one that is repetitive and lends itself to mindfulness meditation, it gives us the opportunity to grow our brains and inner selves. I love this because it is beautiful, but also because it gives me permission not to feel guilty when I choose to craft rather than sweep the floor, for example. Obviously, there has to be balance among crafting and my other duties, but this gives me permission to let crafting help me center in order to be a better mom and housekeeper.

Captain's Log February 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book You've Been Meaning to Read

This month's book falls into the "Book I've been meaning to read" category. I figure it's easy to do categories like this at the beginning, because I've already got it in mind. I'll save for later those categories for which I don't already have a choice. Marriage and Other Acts of Charity, by Kate Braestrup, is a book given me by my very good friend from seminary, AmenAbility. I think it's been sitting on my shelf for 3-4 years now, so it was about time to actually read it. (Image below links to the book on Amazon.) Also, I'm pretty sure I've decided to do this challenge by reading all women authors. Gotta love an additional challenge. ;)

The book is a memoir, which I didn't really notice until I started reading it. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't exactly it. I think I was sort of hoping for some sort of helpful handbook on how to do marriage. First Mate and I are doing okay, but I'm not always so good at this marriage thing. It's also gotten a lot harder since having Junior Mate. Parenting is hard, and it can be easy to feel resentful toward First Mate when I'm home with Junior Mate all day while he's working. I struggle with the understanding that he's had a long day/week at work and wants some down time because I want down time, too. And honestly, there's still this part of me that feels like I don't have a right to complain because I get to be home all day "doing nothing." Not that raising a child is doing nothing - it just doesn't feel like the kind of work you do outside the house. For an introvert, though, it is a bit draining. I love Junior Mate, but I really love nap times and the end of the day when she goes to sleep and I get some time to myself.

Anyway, that was more of a tangent than I intended; suffice it to say that having a baby has made marriage more difficult for me. Braestrup gives some good anecdotes about how marriage is hard for everyone and shares how she overcame a time in her own first marriage (ended by her husband's death by car accident) when she was going to divorce him. Basically, she says that "The Golden Rule" saved them. You know the one, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." For her, it came in the revelation that she wouldn't want to be treated the way she had been treating her husband, so she started treating him how she wanted to be treated. Honestly, this was a little disappointing for me. I mean, I suppose it's true - this is a great way to work on a marriage, and perhaps the only real advice one can give or receive. However, I wanted something more concrete. Maybe I even wanted some reassurance that it's supposed to be hard and that it would get easier. Instead, I got that it's hard. Because let's face it: we're selfish beings, and constantly trying to do for others what you would want instead of doing it for yourself is hard. This was especially true for First Mate and me during the early months of Junior Mate's time here. We were both so tired and emotionally drained that all we could do was take care of ourselves. Only recently have we been able to care for one another better again.

I think the part I liked the best was her recurring theme of caritas, a Latin word that we translate as charity in English. She talks about it as the kind of love that desires the best for the other person (among other explanations). Obviously, you hope that you feel this way about your spouse (and that they feel that way about you), but thinking about it with the actual words helps to better define it. I have caritas for all the guys I've dated in the past. I truly want them to be happy and have the best; I was certain I was not the best for them, which is why I broke it off. It is actually harder to have continuing caritas for First Mate because we live together and work at this baby-raising thing together. He's not a passing thought or earnest desire for happiness. He is always there, whether I'm in a good mood or not, had enough sleep or not, dealt with a cranky baby all day or a happy baby. It takes more work for me to be charitable to him because I see it when he leaves his socks on the floor or puts his dirty dish right by the sink rather than in it. For this reason, I appreciate Braestrup's reminder about caritas and its importance in a marriage. First Mate and I both need charity as we navigate this difficult and exciting path of parenthood and marriage.

Over all, I would say this is a pretty good book with some poignant reminders of what marriage can be. It's a relatively easy read, and Braestrup is pretty relatable. She's a Unitarian Universalist minister, though she came from an atheist background, so there are some spiritual concepts and biblical references. I would recommend it if you like memoirs and easy reads, but if you don't have a lot of time for reading, I don't know that I would put it on a "must be read" list.

Captain's Log January 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book You Can Finish in a Day

Since I didn't start the challenge until halfway through January, I chose to do the "Book you can finish in a day" category. Incidentally, the book I chose fits into other categories as well, but I'm putting it in this one. This month's book was Ethan Frome, by Edith Wharton. (Image links to book [for $3!] on Amazon)

This is a book that I read the summer before 9th grade for a summer reading assignment. I hated it at the time. I don't really remember why I hated it at this point, but I suspect it had something to do with the melancholy and sense of hopelessness prevalent in the book. At 14 years old, I had never really had cause to think about or appreciate these themes. I preferred (and often still do prefer) happiness and romance. Back then, I think it was because I didn't want to have to think about such things. Now it's mostly because I struggle with my own depression, and I often feel overwhelmed by the bad things in the world. When I read, I want to believe things can be different, not be reminded how much they can suck. It's the same for me with movies. This read was more enjoyable than the first, but I don't think it's a book that will make it to my favorite books of all time category.

Anyway, a quick synopsis: Ethan Frome is a man living in what we learn to be a rather sad and hopeless situation. The narrator, who frames the story, wonders how he came to be such an aloof and sad figure and gets the opportunity to find out when he and Ethan (who has been driving the narrator to and from work) get caught in a snowstorm. He spends the night at Ethan's farm and somehow pieces together a sad story of a mismatched, loveless marriage and a forbidden yet exciting chance upon new love when a hired girl comes to live with Ethan and his wife, Zeena. Unfortunately, poverty and a sense of right and duty make this chance at new love impossible, and when Ethan's wife tries to send Mattie away, she and Ethan despair and make a fateful decision that will leave all of them in a desolate and hopeless situation. I'll make you read the book for all the specifics.

A couple of thoughts I had while reading: why did Edith Wharton choose to write from a male point of view? What do I think would have been the right thing to do, i.e. are love and happiness more important than duty?

I don't have a problem with Wharton writing from a male POV. I mean, it's pretty common for men to write from women's POV's, so why not have women write from male POV? I mostly wondered about the place of women writers at the time. The book was published in 1911, so women weren't yet allowed to vote. Were women writers taken as seriously as men writers? I know there were plenty of great women writers before the 20th century, but I think I've heard that many of them weren't really seen as writers of serious literature due to their gender. I mean, isn't that part of the reason George Eliot chose that pen name? So I found myself wondering if Wharton wrote from a male POV because writing from Mattie's POV wouldn't have been taken very seriously, as in, "Who wants to read a book about a little lady who has fallen in love with her cousin's husband?" Of course, there are also issues of class at play here. Generally, any of the women who were able to gain recognition for their writing at this time were wealthy, and Wharton is no different. I suppose there's also the fact of the choice that faces Ethan, which is not really present for Zeena or Mattie, and that makes up the main conflict of the book. Obviously, the story would have presented quite differently from either of the main women characters' POV. At any rate, I don't really have any answers or great philosophical thoughts for this question. It just came up for me while I was reading. I was interested in hearing the story from Mattie's POV and/or Zeena's POV and wondered why we didn't get that.

The second question is much harder to consider because it touches on sort of murky moral ground. On the one hand, I have a BA in psychology, and I think it is important to feed love and happiness into your life in order to function fully during the day. I mean, I know from personal experience how hard it is to do daily tasks when you are living with depression, whatever is the cause. On the other hand, Frome is admirable for wanting to follow through on his matrimonial commitment to his wife and his realization that she does not really have the resources to survive on her own (particularly with his own poverty and inability to send alimony). Honestly, I found Zeena to be tiring, and I wanted Frome to leave her and run off with Mattie. However, I think his commitment to being honorable is good and should not be discounted. It's difficult because we currently live in a climate where it is all too easy and expected for people to do the easy thing that makes them feel good. As a society, we expect and sometimes encourage, people to leave their spouses if they find someone they "love more." Perhaps we ought to return to having a little more societal pressure to try harder at those commitments we made before family, friends, and God (for those of us who made them before God). This is difficult for me, though, because I think there are a lot of societal pressures, particularly in some Christian and other conservative circles, that push people to get married before they're ready, often to someone who isn't really a good match for a lifelong partnership. I don't want to punish people for poor choices they may have made when they were 20, but I also don't like how little our society seems to regard marriage nowadays. There must be some way to find a middle ground here. I have a hunch that it may have more to do with how we discuss sex and marriage with our children than with trying to pressure people who are miserable to stay married. At any rate, I admire both Ethan's honor and his desire to love. It would be lovely if he'd been able to have both in one woman.

Have any of you read this book? What were your thoughts? I welcome thoughtful and constructive comments on my thoughts but will summarily delete trollish comments.