Captain's Log Stardate May 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book you've already read at least once

I originally intended to save this category for the end of the year because I was planning to read the first in a series. I knew that I would want to read the whole series again after reading it and wanted to be done with the challenge in order to do that. However, after getting behind in April and May, I decided to go ahead and do this category for May to help catch up. I knew it would be a quick and fun read. My book for this category is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, by J.K. Rowling (picture links to Amazon sale page).

I didn't get into the Harry Potter series until right before the fifth book was released, so this one had been out for a while before I read it. I was also in college when the first book was published, so I can't say that I was raised with HP. However, I really enjoyed the series and had a couple of quite close friends with whom I debated the possibilities for the coming books and talked about theories. During a time in my life when I was pretty depressed and lonely, the online HP community gave me some friends and a place to escape through fanfic and discussion with others. In short, it's been an important series in my life but not entirely life-shaping.

I enjoyed rereading the first book, not only because the books are fun but also because it was a nice change from the academic book I had read just prior. I actually think most of the movies are pretty good and accurate representations of the books, but I love reading the books. They have so many little details that just can't be explained or really represented in the visual form. It still amazes me how Rowling was able to come up with such an elaborate and detailed imaginary world. I don't know if I once had that type of imagination and had it squashed out of me by (my own) perfectionism and schooling or if I'm just not that creative. However, she definitely creates a world that you can enter with your whole mind, and even heart, and grow to love. There are also some great lessons about good and evil throughout the series that are good for both children and adults. I think that's one of the reasons I still love reading children's/young adult novels. Often, the themes therein are ones that adults need to remember or relearn as well. This particular book reminds us that appearances can sometimes deceive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, and that sometimes, supporting your friends is more important than being right.

Captain's Log Stardate April 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book you should have read in school

I know it's mid-June, so it's a bit strange to make the date April 2016. However, April was busy, and I also had some depression I was dealing with. Thus, it took me until the end of May to finally finish my April book. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up in June with my May book and my June book. Anyway, this month's book is a book I was supposed to read in seminary. Actually, I was only supposed to read a portion of it for my introductory preaching class, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to read the whole thing now. I can't remember if I actually read the portions I marked with a flag or not, but I didn't see any underlinings, which indicates I probably didn't. The book is Women Preaching: Theology and Practice through the Ages, by Eunjoo Mary Kim. (Photo links to the book on Amazon.)

This is a good academic treatment of different roles women's preaching has taken throughout the history of the church. A lot of what Kim has to say focuses on the transformative and prophetic (i.e. challenging) voice of women preaching. Because this was taught as an important role of preaching in my seminary, I appreciate this focus. Kim's focuses are on women preaching the risen Christ (scripture/early church); preaching as subversive rhetoric (medieval/postmedieval church); preaching with authority (Reformation to early 20th century); and preaching and the politics of God (focusing on Korean preachers during colonial and postcolonial periods). Kim uses 2-3 examples in each chapter to illustrate each of these focuses, highlighting not only bits of writing/preaching from each women, but outlining how their very lives were examples of preaching. At the end of the book, Kim shares three different sermons she has delivered during her preaching career.

Generally, I think this is a good book, especially if you're looking for an academic treatment of women preachers through history. It's got good information, gives good examples, and lays down some useful arguments for why women should be allowed to preach. Honestly, though, getting through it made me realize that I just really prefer fiction and/or easy reading. Part of the reason it took me so long to read it was because I didn't really find myself *wanting* to read it. I also found myself busy (and battling a bit of depression) during April and May, but I really just kind of stalled out on it. I am glad that I finally did finish it, but I doubt I'll be picking it up again unless I go back to school for some reason.

Captain's Log Stardate March 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book You Previously Abandoned

This month's book is The Knitting Sutra: Craft as a Spiritual Practice, by Susan Gordon Lydon. It is a book I previously abandoned and does not really fit into any other category.
(Image links to Amazon's book page)

To be honest, I had two or three other books I probably would have preferred to read for this category, but it was more important to me to stick to my goal of reading only women authors. Thus, I ended up pulling a book out of my donate pile to pick back up and finish. In fact, I never really read much of this book at all. I read bits and pieces of it for a research paper I did in seminary about the meditative aspects of knitting and crocheting. (Looking back through the paper, it appears I didn't even end up using it in the paper.) There were a few good quotes that I liked, but it didn't really meet my need at that time.

I have to admit that it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. To be fair, I've realized that I was sort of hoping for something a bit more academic, which is unfair, considering that this is basically a popular book. It is more of a memoir type book than a discussion of how craft can be used as a spiritual practice. Lydon discusses her own spiritual journey and the important role that knitting played in that journey. It is interesting to hear how craft became an integral part of her spiritual life, but, especially considering that I had already written a paper on the contemplative aspects of knitting and crocheting, I guess I was just disappointed that there wasn't more detail. She does have a lot of knowledge of traditional crafts and their importance in the spiritual lives of the people groups who do them, and she intersperses this information with her own story. However, there is not a ton of detail about each of these groups and the specific spiritual aspects of their crafts.

All in all, it's a pretty good book; it just wasn't exactly what I was expecting from the title. If you are interested in spirituality and how other people incorporate it into their lives, it is a good read. If you are interested in how other people use craft to enhance their spiritual lives, it is a good read. If you are looking for an academic treatment of how craft is used as a spiritual practice or in the spiritual lives of people, it doesn't really fit the bill. It is one person's specific story and not a general study of craft and spirituality.

Here are a couple of quotes I particularly liked and why I liked them:
"And is it possible that female spirituality through the ages may have been concealed in the minutiae of domestic life rather than expressed in the grandiosity and pomposity of churches and sermons?" (p. 10)
~~I think this is especially pertinent to me right now, as I am currently a stay-at-home mom. Every day can feel so monotonous taking care of a baby and a household. This quote reminds me that the simple (or actually quite complex and difficult) business of raising a baby and keeping a house in order are spiritual acts. We forget that everyday living has its own spiritual aspects because we have a tendency to assign deep spiritual significance only to worship services and those who lead them. I have been in seminary with pastors in training (and some who were already pastoring and finishing up the credentials). I can tell you that your pastors have the same mundane aspects in their lives. Part of seminary, actually, is learning to see the holy and spiritual in every aspect of life. And remember that "spirituality" is the job of a pastor, so sometimes that everyday spirituality is even more important to a pastor. At any rate, I like that Lydon recognizes the importance of domestic life to spirituality, especially for women, as we have so often been relegated to these tasks, while men have traditionally been given the privilege of spiritual leadership.

"I learned while writing this book that the purpose of the craft is not so much to make beautiful things as it is to become beautiful inside while you are making those things." (p. 137)
~~This really struck me as I was reading it. It is a great summation of her description of her spiritual journey and knitting. It also reminds us that craft has value and is not just a useless hobby. We make beautiful things for ourselves and others, but the time we use to create those items has its own important role in shaping us. Whether it is a craft that involves intense concentration or one that is repetitive and lends itself to mindfulness meditation, it gives us the opportunity to grow our brains and inner selves. I love this because it is beautiful, but also because it gives me permission not to feel guilty when I choose to craft rather than sweep the floor, for example. Obviously, there has to be balance among crafting and my other duties, but this gives me permission to let crafting help me center in order to be a better mom and housekeeper.

Captain's Log Stardate 021716: Just Slow Down!

Some days I feel awesome at being a mom, and other days I really suck at it. I'm short-tempered with Junior Mate, cry a lot, and sometimes even swear at her. I'm horrible. These days tend to be the days when I didn't get much sleep for whatever reason (sometimes, but not always, related to Junior Mate's sleep). I'm really trying to cut back on the swearing because she's definitely getting old enough to start repeating stuff like that. Obviously, I also want to cut back on the swearing because it's not nice; most people don't like to be sworn at. Also, it can be hard to remember that babies are actually just very small people. They seem so different to adults that it can be easy to think of them as if they're a different species or something. I told my mom the other day that I really think I should get some Buddhist practice into my life. I tend allow myself to be ruled by my emotions, and you really can't raise kids that way. The truth, my friends, is that there are times when you just don't like your kid(s) at all, but you can't let that make you treat them like you don't like them. This is what I'm struggling with. I know Junior Mate deserves better than this, but I have not been good at it. I am trying to get my depression under control, upping my antidepressant a bit and continuing to go to counseling. (I've also gotten someone to help me with her two days a week, allowing me to get out and have some me-time.) Unfortunately, I have not yet arrived at Happy Captain, and there are days I feel I never will again.

Anyway, I sometimes let my emotions rule me in my dealings with Junior Mate, and I know this is unfair to her and unhealthy for both of us. I know I cannot continue this way with her because I want to do as little damage to her as possible. (I'm of the belief that your kids are going to be screwed up somehow no matter how awesome you are. The best you can do is try not to actively screw them up. ;) I have a couple of books I want to read to help me get in this mindset. I started reading a series last year called The Dalai Lama's Cat, by David Michie, and it basically presents basic Buddhist tenets through an easy to digest little story about a cat who learns these tenets through her life with the Dalai Lama. I have enjoyed them and recently purchased the newest one. Maybe when I get around to reading it, I will actually try to think about practicing some of the ideas. (The last one I read had a really good part about not letting anger and frustration rule you; I could definitely use that one.)

One of the things I've been thinking about recently in this vein is "slow down." Now, I could have used this for the weird dichotomy of having a newborn/infant where you are sort of just hoping that they'll grow up so things get easier while also mourning the fact that they don't fit into those little 3-month clothes anymore. However, I think this is more important, at least for me. Lately, Junior Mate has been having a little trouble falling asleep, taking closer to 30 minutes (or more) than 15 minutes. At first, I would get so frustrated that I'd end up just getting First Mate to get her to sleep. I should also point out that, having read all these infant sleep things, I was totally stressed about making sure I put her to bed awake. Otherwise, all sorts of bad things would happen, and she would NEVER SLEEP NORMALLY!!! Finally, I decided that it didn't matter if I rocked Junior Mate to sleep. In fact, it doesn't bother me (most of the time), and it's not like I'll be able to do it forever. She is usually able to fall back asleep by herself when she wakes up in the night, which is the main reason given for not rocking to sleep. I've decided to just enjoy getting to hold her and watch her fall asleep, knowing this will not last forever. At some point, though, I started getting impatient for her to fall asleep so I could get my little bit of "me-time" during the day.

Recently, while we were visiting family, I found myself rocking Junior Mate to sleep for naps. Yes, I'm still trying to figure out how to transition Junior Mate out of the swing and into the crib for naps. I would feel impatient about getting back to family, and then I thought, "Slow down, Captain. Just slow down. Enjoy these moments. Let Junior Mate sleep on your shoulder. Maybe take a nap yourself." And then I realized that even though my life has felt incredibly hectic and just trying to make it from day to day, Junior Mate is actually making me SLOW DOWN in some ways. Adult life is so humdrum sometimes that we forget to appreciate the uniqueness of each day. In the midst of doing the same things we do every day, we forget that there will never be another February 17, 2016, and we take it for granted. Babies grow so fast, especially in the first year (I have yet to experience the second year), that it's much harder to take it for granted. And the older they get, even at a whopping 11 months old ;), the more independent they want to be. Those sweet times of them snuggling into your shoulder become fewer and fewer, and I imagine I'll find myself missing them. I do miss the newborn times when Junior Mate would just sleep effortlessly on my shoulder. Now she does sometimes, but she's more restless. And she only naps two times a day, so there aren't as many opportunities.

Stardate 030216 Appendix: I started this a couple of weeks ago and am now not in exactly the same place anymore. Antidepressants have been upped a little bit, and Junior Mate is once again sleeping more easily. Junior Mate is helping me to slow down and appreciate little things more, and I appreciate her for it. I'm currently finding it easier to do this whole mommy thing than I have for the past nearly 12 months. However, I think the things I say and feel in the first part of this post are important because I'm certain some people feel them but are afraid to talk about them. We have to be willing to talk about our weaknesses in order to support one another and overcome them. Thus, I am posting it as is, though I could not figure out how to finish it in the same vein. Just remember that we all screw up and don't do as well as we'd like. Fortunately, kids are resilient, and I think if we try our best to be great most of the time, they will be fine.

Captain's Log February 2016: 12 Book Reading Challenge - Book You've Been Meaning to Read

This month's book falls into the "Book I've been meaning to read" category. I figure it's easy to do categories like this at the beginning, because I've already got it in mind. I'll save for later those categories for which I don't already have a choice. Marriage and Other Acts of Charity, by Kate Braestrup, is a book given me by my very good friend from seminary, AmenAbility. I think it's been sitting on my shelf for 3-4 years now, so it was about time to actually read it. (Image below links to the book on Amazon.) Also, I'm pretty sure I've decided to do this challenge by reading all women authors. Gotta love an additional challenge. ;)

The book is a memoir, which I didn't really notice until I started reading it. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't exactly it. I think I was sort of hoping for some sort of helpful handbook on how to do marriage. First Mate and I are doing okay, but I'm not always so good at this marriage thing. It's also gotten a lot harder since having Junior Mate. Parenting is hard, and it can be easy to feel resentful toward First Mate when I'm home with Junior Mate all day while he's working. I struggle with the understanding that he's had a long day/week at work and wants some down time because I want down time, too. And honestly, there's still this part of me that feels like I don't have a right to complain because I get to be home all day "doing nothing." Not that raising a child is doing nothing - it just doesn't feel like the kind of work you do outside the house. For an introvert, though, it is a bit draining. I love Junior Mate, but I really love nap times and the end of the day when she goes to sleep and I get some time to myself.

Anyway, that was more of a tangent than I intended; suffice it to say that having a baby has made marriage more difficult for me. Braestrup gives some good anecdotes about how marriage is hard for everyone and shares how she overcame a time in her own first marriage (ended by her husband's death by car accident) when she was going to divorce him. Basically, she says that "The Golden Rule" saved them. You know the one, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." For her, it came in the revelation that she wouldn't want to be treated the way she had been treating her husband, so she started treating him how she wanted to be treated. Honestly, this was a little disappointing for me. I mean, I suppose it's true - this is a great way to work on a marriage, and perhaps the only real advice one can give or receive. However, I wanted something more concrete. Maybe I even wanted some reassurance that it's supposed to be hard and that it would get easier. Instead, I got that it's hard. Because let's face it: we're selfish beings, and constantly trying to do for others what you would want instead of doing it for yourself is hard. This was especially true for First Mate and me during the early months of Junior Mate's time here. We were both so tired and emotionally drained that all we could do was take care of ourselves. Only recently have we been able to care for one another better again.

I think the part I liked the best was her recurring theme of caritas, a Latin word that we translate as charity in English. She talks about it as the kind of love that desires the best for the other person (among other explanations). Obviously, you hope that you feel this way about your spouse (and that they feel that way about you), but thinking about it with the actual words helps to better define it. I have caritas for all the guys I've dated in the past. I truly want them to be happy and have the best; I was certain I was not the best for them, which is why I broke it off. It is actually harder to have continuing caritas for First Mate because we live together and work at this baby-raising thing together. He's not a passing thought or earnest desire for happiness. He is always there, whether I'm in a good mood or not, had enough sleep or not, dealt with a cranky baby all day or a happy baby. It takes more work for me to be charitable to him because I see it when he leaves his socks on the floor or puts his dirty dish right by the sink rather than in it. For this reason, I appreciate Braestrup's reminder about caritas and its importance in a marriage. First Mate and I both need charity as we navigate this difficult and exciting path of parenthood and marriage.

Over all, I would say this is a pretty good book with some poignant reminders of what marriage can be. It's a relatively easy read, and Braestrup is pretty relatable. She's a Unitarian Universalist minister, though she came from an atheist background, so there are some spiritual concepts and biblical references. I would recommend it if you like memoirs and easy reads, but if you don't have a lot of time for reading, I don't know that I would put it on a "must be read" list.